My step son cries every time he is dropped off

2017-04-13 16:28:30

My partner has a 5yo who was 2 when we got together. In this time he has cried uncontrollably every single time he is dropped off or picked up to come to our house. These tears usually subside if he is distracted by something but then return at bedtime. We have him every other weekend and about 50/50 during school holidays. When he was younger I chalked it up to his age and my being new on the scene but the behaviour continues. I've asked him why.. If he is worried about something (he is generally on the anxious side) but he says it's because he wants mum and he's tired. I've explained he caniss his mum but know he's going to see her in a couple of days but it doesn't seem to make too much difference.I'm looking for any advice or insight on helping him with the transition as the problem seems persistent and it's not very nice for anyone.


IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This answer merely presents a hypothesis, one that is difficult enough to prove when dealing with

  • IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This answer merely presents a hypothesis, one that is difficult enough to prove when dealing with a child regularly and one that definitely cannot be proved given the amount of information provided here.

    I see a possible answer in the attachment theory here, in particular in the child's attachment to its mother which is forming during the child's first year. The theory names several attachment patterns with the secure attachment being the ideal one - a secure child has confidence in its mother. So while this child also suffers from separation anxiety, it has no doubts that its mother will return.

    What you describe could be a sign of anxious-ambivalent attachment however. Here the child didn't get a consistent response when it needed its mother's help, so its stress level when separated from the mother is very high - it doesn't know whether the mother will come back. In this case, your step son's reaction really isn't about anything that you do. Daycare is a si

    2017-04-13 17:49:33
  • I'd hope by now that this behaviour no longer occurs but I must say I was in a very similar situation to you.

    When I first got with my girlfriend her son was 21/2 years old and was severely missing being with his Father. He would cry for his Father almost every time he was dropped off. This would also happen if he was upset about anything. Something as simple as washing his hair (which he despised at the time) would set him off crying shouting "I want my daddy".

    It was a very stressful time for us all. His Mother couldn't understand why her Son never got upset when she dropped him off at his Father's house. It was always when he got dropped back off at home that he would cry. The situation was his Father would see him for a couple of hours after school every night and they would alternate weekends. It worked in every other sense.

    The key was ensuring the pattern didn't break. In doing this my step-son became more and more confident that he would be seeing his Father and it was som

    2017-04-13 18:05:48